


Broken

by CariadWinter



Category: Descendents of Darkness, Yami No Matsuei
Genre: Angst, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:10:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CariadWinter/pseuds/CariadWinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hisoka has finally accepted and admitted the feelings he has for Tsuzuki but can he tell him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This is very, very old... written well over six years ago for a very dear friend.

It was hot that day, so hot in fact, that Hisoka felt as though he could quite possibly melt right into the ground beneath his feet. It was mid August, nearly four in the afternoon, and time seemed to be crawling at a snails pace. The only relief came from a small breeze out of the east and as it kissed the wet patch on the back of his neck, Hisoka sighed and settled further into the railing of the small bridge upon which he stood. He’d retreated out here, as he’d done on many days past, and relished in the gentle hum and sway of the world around him. Everything seemed so simple here. So simple in fact, that one could almost forget their problems if they tried hard enough. He couldn’t forget though, not today, not ever really. The thing that haunted him most, he knew he’d never forget and that was his partner, Asato Tsuzuki; or rather, the undeniable feelings that had taken root in him and coiled around his soul like a bright searing flame.

Hisoka crossed his arms over the railing and leant his head down to rest upon them. Below he could see the water of the small stream bubbling and churning over the slick, shiny rocks beneath the surface. Another wisp of breeze licked at the back of his neck, ruffling the strands of his cinnamon colored hair, and he closed his eyes. These feelings for Tsuzuki had interwoven themselves in him without his knowledge and it wasn’t until he’d thought he’d lost Tsuzuki forever that he realized how much he needed him; how much he loved him. Their enemy, his murderer, Kazutaka Muraki, had nearly taken everything from them and now, now Hisoka knew what he wanted. He wanted Tsuzuki. The only problem was, he didn’t quite know how to confess these feelings to his partner and what scared him more was that Tsuzuki would reject him. 

Hisoka drew in a deep breath and opened his eyes, letting them settle on a Sakura blossom floating on the surface of the stream below him. Lifting his head, he took in his surroundings. There were blossoming Sakura trees everywhere around him; the sky was a perfect shade of blue, and the white cotton clouds floated by lazily overhead. A twinge of pain in his chest made him drop his head back to his arms and he wondered for a moment how one person could feel so much pain while surrounded by such beauty. He should be happy shouldn’t he? After all, they were alive weren’t they? He wasn’t happy though. He was lonely and he longed for the touch of the only man that had ever made him feel alive. His mind, body, and soul had been in torment before Tsuzuki and he’d cared for him anyway. Instead of walking away, he’d stayed by his side and to Hisoka that meant everything. Tsuzuki was everything.

A single tear dropped from the corner of his eye, soaking into the fabric of his cream colored shirt and he drew in another deep breath. The feel of long, gentle fingers brushing through his hair made him jump to attention and he found himself staring dead on into a pair of worried, vivid violet eyes and it made his heart flutter and twitch. Tsuzuki was standing over him, fingers still entwined in his hair, and the curl of those perfectly pink lips left Hisoka breathless. He felt the warm blush of shy embarrassment brush across his cheeks and lowered his gaze to his feet. Tsuzuki’s gaze always made him feel naked, as though the man could see everything about him. The sheer weight of those glorious eyes was enough to leave him trembling and hungry with the need for more than just a glance.

“You’ve been out here forever,” his partner stated softly and dropped the hand still tangled in Hisoka’s hair to his side. “Are you ever coming back inside? It’s too hot to stay out here all afternoon.”

Hisoka shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and turned back towards the stream. “It’s quiet,” was all he said.

Tsuzuki stood quietly for a moment, taking in the solemn expression of his companion and then shifted his own gaze to the Sakura trees beyond the small bridge. “Shall I leave you with your thoughts then?”

Hisoka fought with his fractured thoughts, unable to decide whether to ask the man to stay or go and when he thought he’d found the words to voice his need, only a simple nod came. Tsuzuki sighed, feeling very much alone himself, but unwilling to burden his young partner, nodded and turned to walk away. Hisoka’s eyes lifted, face turned to follow the departure of the man he wanted so desperately and found himself on the verge of tears once again. Why did this have to be so damned difficult for them? Why? When Tsuzuki came to a halt at the edge of the bridge and tilted his face towards the sky, Hisoka’s breath caught in his throat. Sakura blossoms, disrupted by the faint summer breeze, whirled around him, landing on his shoulders, hair, and forehead and to Hisoka; this was a vision of splendor in its purest form.

“Hisoka?” The gentle, almost whisper of his name being called pulled him from his daze and he blinked once, focusing in on the back of his partner.

“Yes, Tsuzuki?”

Tsuzuki stalled for a moment, eyes still planted firmly upwards and Hisoka thought for a second that he saw the man’s shoulders quake. “Are we broken?”

The question caught him off guard, causing his jaw to drop as he turned fully in the other man’s direction and he couldn’t find the words to answer. Tsuzuki turned then, those brilliant violet eyes glistening and those once smiling lips were arched down into a frown. There was something behind those eyes that caused Hisoka’s heart to pound in his chest, beating a frantic rhythm against the back of his ribcage.

“I…I…we,” he stuttered and before he could piece the words in his head into a coherent sentence, Tsuzuki gave him a sad smile, nodded again, and turned away. He watched him walk away; the only word left on his lips was a choked whisper of a name he called nearly every night to an empty room, “Tsuzuki.”

~at~hk~

Tsuzuki kept a small apartment in Kyoto. It wasn’t much, but it was where he disappeared to when he wanted to be alone, so when he did vanish that afternoon without so much as a word to anyone, Hisoka knew just where to find him. He didn’t know why Tsuzuki chose Kyoto. After all, the end of their world had nearly come to pass here in this magnificently decadent city and it sent tremors down his spine every time he thought of it. Perhaps that was the reason Tsuzuki had chosen it. It was a constant reminder of the things that had come to pass and he always had been one to hold on to the past. If there was anyone that could shoulder the blame and guilt of the world it was Asato Tsuzuki. 

He stood silently before the door to the apartment, hand poised to knock, the setting sun at his back, and the fear of uncertainty ringing soundly in his mind. Watching the man he loved walk away that afternoon had nearly killed him and he never wanted it to happen again. They weren’t broken dammit! That night here in Kyoto had saved them. Tsuzuki was near insanity with grief and guilt, thinking suicide his only way out and he had chosen to live for Hisoka. He’d given Hisoka a reason to be. How could they be broken after that? How could he continue to hide the way he really felt for him, even if his confession meant pushing him away? Assuring himself once more that coming here had been the right thing to do, he knocked.

There were muffled noises on the other side of the door, some garbled words, and then the door swung open to reveal a slightly flustered Tsuzuki. His dark brown hair was tussled, cheeks flushed, lips swollen and red, and his breathing ragged. The obi of his robes was loose, nearly hanging off, and was only being held on by the tight curl of Tsuzuki’s fingers. The right shoulder of his robe hung down on his arm, revealing a muscled, caramel colored shoulder and the world before Hisoka’s eyes began to swim a bit.

“Hisoka!” the man blurted in surprise and gulped before he bit down on his lower lip. “What are you doing here?”

“I,” his eyes lifted to meet Tsuzuki’s and that same blush from before crept back across his cheeks. “I didn’t…I wanted to…have I come at a bad time?” he finally asked lamely and mentally kicked himself.

“Eh,” Tsuzuki glanced back over his shoulder once and then faced him again, “of course not. You’re always welcome here, Hisoka.”

Tsuzuki stepped to the side, pulling the door open as he did and Hisoka stepped in the apartment. He quickly toed off his shoes, leaving them by the front door, and waited for Tsuzuki to close the door and lead the way into the sitting room. When they entered the room, Hisoka’s eyes went wide for a second, taking in the askew state of the coffee table, the half empty bottle of red wine atop it, and the haphazard pillows scattered about the sofa and floor. He stopped dead in his tracks when a possible reality slapped him hard across the face and his heart came to a stumbling halt.

“Are…are you alone?” he asked timidly, gulping around the lump in his throat and Tsuzuki turned to face him.

“Of course I’m alone,” his partner stated honestly and gave him a quizzical look. “Why would you,” and then the state of his living room and his attire stopped him, bringing a blush to his cheeks as well. “I was…it was,” he blushed even deeper and turned himself towards the wall of windows on the other side of the room. “There’s no one else,” he whispered quietly.

Hisoka’s eyes bulged when it became clear to him what had actually been going on before he showed up and his mouth began to work itself in the fashion of a floundering fish. He’d been…his mind wouldn’t venture beyond those two words and his pulse quickened at the thought of Tsuzuki pleasuring himself. It was the tight press of the steadily swelling organ in his jeans that caught the breath in his throat however and the only thing that came to mind was escape.

Hisoka jerked his body around towards the door and took a steadying breath, blinking his focus on the door before he dared to speak. “I should…I’ll just go. I should have called first and I…you were,” gulp, “busy.”

He hadn’t taken two steps before strong arms encircled his shoulders, pulling him back against the warm, inviting wall of Tsuzuki’s chest. “Please don’t go,” where the soft-spoken words in his ear and the world was spinning around him.

Hisoka’s shoulders were stiff, shaking uncontrollably from the state of panic his body was undergoing and the fact that this was what he wanted wasn’t registering. “I can’t…you were,” he pulled away, rushing towards the door. Reality was much more frightening than daydreams. “I need to go.”

He didn’t see Tsuzuki drop to his knees, but he heard the strangled whimper and turned back to look as his hand wrapped around the doorknob. His partner was crumpled on the floor beside the sofa, face buried in his hands, and he looked very small to him now. Tsuzuki’s shoulders were trembling, this was no mere trick of the imagination, and tears dripped between his slightly spread fingers. Hisoka’s heart twisted in agony and again he gave himself a firm kick in the ass for his stupidity. What the hell was he doing? He came here to confess his love to the man and now he was running away like a scared little boy. Why was it so damned hard to let himself love him?

Slowly, he crossed to the sobbing man and knelt before him on the floor. “Tsuzuki,” called gently and pulled the other man’s hands from his face.

Red-rimmed violet eyes gazed at him and the confusion and fear that lay behind them was heartbreakingly clear. “I didn’t mean to scare you away. I never…I just can’t seem to,” another whimper cut the garbled words off in his throat and Hisoka smiled at him, wiping the falling tears away with his thumb.

“We’re both idiots,” Hisoka mumbled and sighed as he pushed the strands of Tsuzuki’s hair up out of his face. “We’re both so caught up in our own melodrama and guilt and fear that we can’t seem to just come out and tell each other what we really want.”

Tsuzuki sniffled and bit his lip as he stared at his young partner. The pure, unguarded love shinning in those emerald green eyes caused him to reach out, a single finger tracing the curve of the boy’s eyebrow. 

“We’re not broken,” Hisoka said suddenly and raised his own hand to cup Tsuzuki’s cheek. “We’re just both too stubborn to admit that we’re in love with each other.”

Tsuzuki’s hand dropped limply to his side and he twisted around, bringing his back to rest against the sofa. “I never thought I deserved to be loved. I wanted it,” the tone of his voice was so low that Hisoka had to shift himself closer just to hear him. “I’ve always wanted it, but the things I’ve done, I,” he turned to look at Hisoka again and there was astonishment in his eyes then. “And then you came along and everything went lopsided. I spent most of my life feeling sorry for myself and trying desperately to do anything and everything to atone for my crimes and then you show up and I…it was too much. All this emotion, it took over everything.” 

Tsuzuki’s face dropped back into his hands and he shook his head. “All those people that died because of me, I just don’t understand it. How can you love me?”

Hisoka shifted again, pulling himself into Tsuzuki’s lap and he pressed his hands flat against his partner’s chest. “I love you because my heart doesn’t know how not to,” he told him honestly and tilted Tsuzuki’s chin upwards. “I love you because suddenly I have a purpose and meaning in this world and you gave that to me and I can’t picture the rest of eternity without you. I simply love you, Asato Tsuzuki, and nothing you do or say will ever change that.”

Silent tears glistened on both their cheeks as Tsuzuki lifted his lips to met Hisoka’s. His strong arms encircled the body quivering atop of him and he crushed the smaller man to him, unwilling for even the air to separate them any longer. Hisoka’s tongue traced the line of Tsuzuki’s lower lip and when that hot, sweet mouth opened for him he dove inside, licking and caressing every crease and crevasse of the velvety enclosure. Their heads twisted, changing positions, lips crushing, tongue’s licking, teeth clicking, mouths yearning and searching and begging for more. Two sets of hands worked rapidly and hungrily over two aching, heated, panting bodies and Hisoka’s mind threatened to explode from the many sensations blistering against his tender psyche.

When Hisoka pulled away, gasping for air, and licking away the remnants of the taste of his new lover from his lips, he felt Tsuzuki’s need for him pressing hard into the curve of his bottom for the first time. Grinding forward he lowered his mouth to Tsuzuki’s ear.

“Make love to me,” he asked softly and the hands that were currently clinging to his back curled into the fabric of his shirt.

“Hisoka,” Tsuzuki choked out and his breath began to come in short, labored pants as the smaller man pulled himself up out of his lap and began to undress for him.

Hisoka took his shirt off first, slowly, teasingly, and then his pants. By the time he began to push his boxers off his hips and towards the floor, Tsuzuki’s fully erect cock was poking up out of his half opened robe and a bubble of creamy white pre-cum rolled down the side of the swollen shaft. He swayed dangerously on his feet, a wash of sudden dizziness flooding his head, and he opened his mouth to speak and he tumbled forward. Tsuzuki’s arms caught him, cradling the dazed young man to him once again, and he nuzzled his nose underneath Hisoka’s right ear.

“It’s okay,” he whispered and placed a gentle kiss to the juncture of shoulder and neck. “I’ve never done this either.”

Hisoka gasped, his mind suddenly clear, and he jerked his head back to look at his blushing partner. “You…you haven’t?”

Tsuzuki shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “I was twenty-six when I died, in and out of a coma for eight years before that, and treated like the town freak before that. After I died I…well, intimate human contact has always been a very difficult thing for me. I…I’ve never felt this way before now.”

Hisoka was smiling again, though this time it was a warm and knowing smile and he leant in to place a soft kiss on his lover’s mouth. “Then we’ll learn together,” he told him and pressed their foreheads together. “I may have…he may have,” his words stopped when Tsuzuki’s finger came to rest across his lips.

“Muraki will not ruin this night for us,” Tsuzuki stated firmly and drew Hisoka in for another kiss. When they broke he placed lazy kisses on his cheeks, forehead, and nose before pulling away to look at him again. “He’s our past, Hisoka, and though I know he won’t stay that way forever, tonight he doesn’t exist. Tonight there’s only you and me.”

Hisoka nodded and ground his hips forward; rubbing himself shamelessly against his now flustered partner’s leaking cock and stomach. “Tsuzuki,” he pleaded breathlessly and the other man nodded.

Tsuzuki blushed furiously for a moment when he reached between the cushions of the sofa and retrieved the lube he’d been using earlier. Hisoka chuckled and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched his lover squeeze the lube out into his hand and coat his fingers with it. One hand encircled Hisoka’s own throbbing erection as the other discarded the tube on the sofa behind them and Hisoka started a little. He wasn’t used to someone else touching him much less stroking him and the feel of Tsuzuki’s fingers wrapped around him nearly sent him crashing over the edge.

“It’s okay,” his partner mumbled against his lips as he continued to stroke him and Hisoka felt the man’s other hand slip between his legs. A single digit brushed against his tight, puckered entrance and he gasped, throwing his head back and revealing a long stretch of bare neck that Tsuzuki quickly began to suckle. Tsuzuki winced slightly when Hisoka’s fingernails dug into the flesh of his shoulders and his grip on the small man’s cock tightened. His hand danced up and down the swollen shaft, thumb pressing against the throbbing vein running its length underneath and then brushing across the leaking head. Hisoka cried out, bucked forward, and when he came back Tsuzuki slipped one long finger inside of him. 

It burned at first, but soon faded and Hisoka found the pulsing pressure moving in and out of him addictive. He thrust his hips up and down, impaling himself on Tsuzuki’s finger and when a second one was inserted he moaned and bit down on his lip so hard that it burst beneath the pressure. His lover’s mouth found his then, suckling the bleeding lip between his lips greedily. Hisoka’s arms slipped the rest of the way around Tsuzuki’s shoulders and he held on tightly. Fractured pieces of the room around them caught in his spinning mind and then blurred around the edges. His breathing was heavy and ragged, causing a tightening in his chest and a pleasant burn to settle in his belly. Tsuzuki’s hand tightened around him again, stroking up and down, up and down even faster and the burn in his belly turned into a coiling pressure.

The muscles in his thighs constricted and then suddenly, without warning, Tsuzuki’s fingers were gone, leaving him empty and whimpering. The hand around his arousal was gone as well and both hands were placed firmly on his hips, lifting him up gently. “Ready?” Tsuzuki breathed and Hisoka nodded.

With one hand, Tsuzuki positioned himself at Hisoka’s entrance, holding him steady with the other, and then slowly began to lower his lover onto him. When the tip of his cock pushed past his tight entrance Hisoka jerked, his fingers digging into Tsuzuki’s shoulders with all the strength he still possessed, and the hand on his hip tightened. Hisoka’s breaths were short now, his eyes clenched shut, and his body stilled, suspended over his lover. When Tsuzuki made no further attempt to push him down Hisoka opened his eyes and looked at him expectantly. Tsuzuki was clearly biting the inside of his cheek and waiting for Hisoka to assure him that it was okay to continue. Hisoka didn’t wait for his lover though. He wanted this over as quickly as possible, the penetration that is, and without any warning pushed himself down as fast as he could.

They cried out together, Tsuzuki’s head snapping back as both of his hands curled around Hisoka’s hips in a death grip and Hisoka shuddered violently, the pressure in his belly contracting suddenly and he came all over Tsuzuki’s stomach. He jerked frantically against his lover as he rode out his orgasm and Tsuzuki’s eyes rolled back into his head. If it weren’t for the fact that he was clenching his teeth so hard he was afraid they might shatter, he would have climaxed as well. When Hisoka finally stilled on top of him, gasping desperately for air, Tsuzuki gaped at him with wide, stunned eyes.

“I…you,” Hisoka dropped his forehead to Tsuzuki’s chest, still gulping at the air, hiding the furious blush that had painted his cheeks. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Tsuzuki pushed him back up and blinked at him with even more astonishment and sucked in a sharp breath because of the movement on his aching cock. “What in the hell are you sorry for? That was amazing,” he gasped.

Hisoka smiled shyly and wiggled a bit, pulling a throaty groan from both of them. “I…I’ve just wanted you for so long and then…you…and if felt so good and I just…couldn’t…stop it,” he panted and began to rock his hips again.

“Ayechh,” was Tsuzuki’s garbled reply and his head fell back against the sofa cushion. 

He was moving slowly, pulling up off his lover’s erection until only the head remained and then sinking back down just as slowly. He wanted it to last forever, needed to feel Tsuzuki filling him over and over and over again. Tsuzuki had to resist the urge to push his lover to the floor and take him quickly, thrusting inside of him with everything he had. He recalled the conversation that he’d had with Muraki about the night he’d assaulted Hisoka and there was no way in all of Hades that he was going to ruin this by letting his libido take control. He wanted tonight to be about Hisoka and he would draw his pleasure solely from that. 

Hisoka’s hands found every dip and lift and cut edge of Tsuzuki’s body and stroked and caressed him to near madness. The younger man’s mouth kissed and nipped and licked at every place he could reach and when the thrusts came faster and harder Tsuzuki nearly crumbled. With shaking hands and quivering arms he held Hisoka to him, kissing at the boy’s bared neck and mumbling incoherent nothings into his ear. A renewed erection pressed firmly into his stomach and Tsuzuki reached between them to fist it again. Hisoka cried out, jerking his hips faster and the faster his lover pumped the faster he jerked. Then it happened, the head of Tsuzuki’s cock stabbed at Hisoka’s prostrate and the boy screamed out in pleasure and emptied himself once again across the flat expanse of his lover’s stomach and down over the still massaging fingers that gripped him. 

Another thrust had Tsuzuki crying out as well and he bucked upwards as he came hard and deep inside his lover. They rode out their mutual orgasms together, falling helplessly over the precipice that they stood upon and then collapsed boneless and spent in each other’s arms. Hisoka’s cheek came to rest upon Tsuzuki’s sweat slicked shoulder and he sighed happily, crushing himself further into the body beneath him. 

“We’re not broken,” Tsuzuki mumbled breathlessly against the side of Hisoka’s head and Hisoka brushed his lips across his lover’s shoulder before settling again.

“I love you, Tsuzuki-san,” Hisoka whispered and the smiling, sated man holding him began to cry again, though this time, they were happy tears. 

“I love you too, Kurosaki-san,” and no other words needed to be spoken.

They sat that way for hours, tangled in each other’s arms, hanging on to the other as though their lives depended on it. They had entered into their partnership as broken, mere halves of the men they once were and now, lying here together in the soft glow of the moonlight flooding the room, they were whole again.

And this is how it would always remain. Forever.


End file.
